The truth hurts.

I’m not going to lie. It has been a tough week. It all started going downhill last week when I rescued a dog! Baby Girl came into our lives exactly one week ago today – and in one week my life has changed drastically. I have always had pets – because I have always had children, and with children come pets – but I have never been in love with an animal the way I am in love with my Baby Girl. She is – in a word – special. First of all, she was living in an abusive home, and I truly rescued her from death’s door. Secondly, she is quite possibly the smartest dog I have ever met – by the third day with us, she had learned commands for sitting, lying down, shaking hands, and staying out of the kitchen while we cook. Finally, she came into my life at a time when my youngest had just left for college and I was in the throes of empty nest syndrome. If you have read my earlier posts, you will know that I started this fitness program because the timing just seemed so right – no kids at home, no more excuses not to work out and change my eating habits! Well, as soon as Baby Girl came along, my exercise routine went right out the window. That is how easily I can allow myself to be thrown off track. From the first day she was in our house, Baby Girl became my priority, instead of exercising and/or eating right. To be perfectly honest,  I have spent the past week not taking care of myself – instead, I have been taking care of my dog. And by taking care of her, I mean feeding her, loving her, cuddling with her, training her….. everything but exercising her (I left that up to Betsy, who walks the other 2 dogs at least once and frequently twice a day). I guess you could say I relapsed. I didn’t completely blow it – I was still being mindful of what I ate. But I let the exercise piece go, and I can honestly say it did not feel good! That is progress, guys, did you hear what I just said? IT DID NOT FEEL GOOD TO NOT EXERCISE!!!! By yesterday, I knew what I had to do, which meant setting my alarm for 5:00 o’clock this morning and getting my butt to the gym. And today’s workout was a killer. Adam has created a brand new workout for me since I “mastered” the previous one, and boy was it tough. So tough that at one point I was sure I was going to throw up – but Adam looked at me and said, “your face isn’t white, you’re doing okay – keep going.” So I did. Honestly – it was incredibly difficult. But I am back on track, and I have some new awareness to take with me as I move forward. The awareness that I find it incredibly easy to put myself last, at least when it comes to exercising. I want to change this. I want to keep exercise as a priority, because when I exercise I feel better about myself, I know I am becoming healthier, and without my health I will not be able to take care of Baby Girl! So I have a new reason to exercise – Baby Girl needs me!!!

 

Baby Girl

I don’t wanna get up!

It’s been a good week. I’m hanging in there! And it actually is getting easier, even though progress is still way slower than I would like for it to be. I mentioned to Betsy last week that I was frustrated with how long is seems to be taking to jumpstart my metabolism, and she reminded me that I am choosing to do this at a pace that works for me, and if I wanted to I could make different choices – for example, I could walk every day instead of every other day. Or I could eat fewer calories in a day (while I am typing this I just ate a chocolate brownie that I  could have said no to). Or I could give up wine altogether. And she’s right. I’m just not there…….. yet. Maybe in time. In the meantime, I am realizing something else about myself which is …… I  don’t like the process of moving from being asleep to being awake. All this time I have just thought that I wasn’t a morning person. Getting up at 5:00 am for these workouts has definitely been a struggle, but getting up at 7:00 am on a regular workday is also a struggle. I allowed myself to sleep in this weekend, and even though I slept until almost 9:00 am on Saturday morning (utter bliss!!!!), I still had a difficult time waking up. And I observed the same thing to be true on Sunday morning, when I woke up at 8:00 am. This was actually a great thing to realize about myself – because now I know that whether it is 5:00 am or 9:00 am, or any time in between, I am probably not going to open my eyes and jump out of bed ready to start the day. Because that’s not how I roll. I like to ease into the day…… waking up slowly, drinking my coffee while checking emails and Facebook, catching the local news on tv, etc.  I think some of my resistance to exercising previously has been about not wanting to wake up earlier than usual and jump right into the day. What this insight gives me is the freedom to tell myself to just get up regardless of how I feel about it, and “just do it.” To acknowledge that it is not the exercise I am resisting, it is the waking up and starting my day more quickly than I like to. And it’s not a big deal. I can do this. Lots of people do this. I AM doing this. And every morning alarm brings me one workout closer to my goal!!! Day 38 and counting.

Mindfulness, moderation & hunger pains

So not only am I exercising…… I am also changing the way that I eat.  As I move into the third week of my transformative process, I am noticing today that I am feeling a little out of sorts and – unlike before – I can’t eat something to change the way I feel. I am actually having to sit with the discomfort of feeling uncomfortable and it is not easy! I can’t put my finger on why I feel this way – although there are a few things going on in my life that are adding to the stress. But nothing I can’t handle. I guess I will just have to wait it out, and have faith that – like so many things – this too shall pass. I don’t have a lot to write about today. I got up and went to the gym at 6 o’clock, so I feel good about that. It took a little longer than usual to get my heart rate up, which Adam says is a good thing, and shows I am getting stronger. Woo-hoo! Betsy and I did a pretty good job with our food this weekend, although the pot roast I made yesterday was definitely comfort food, and something I will only eat sparingly as I move forward. I was proud of myself for eating mostly carrots, a few potatoes, and a small portion of meat, though – instead of the other way around! It was a chilly, cloudy weekend – the first weekend that really felt like Fall.  Betsy’s back was still bothering her on Saturday, plus she caught a cold due to her compromised immune system, so we spent the entire weekend at home. I can’t remember the last time we didn’t have at least one thing planned on the weekend. It was nice to just “nest.” I love our home, and I didn’t miss going out, but I did find myself craving carbs, “creamy, noodly things” (as a client of mine used to say) all weekend.  I think we handled the food part of the weekend pretty well, all things considered. Friday night I made a low-fat, low-cal turkey chili which we ate for dinner on Friday and Saturday with low-fat sour cream and low-fat cheese. Delicioso! I had a couple of glasses of wine both Friday and Saturday night, but again I am not trying to eliminate anything from my life, I am just trying to practice mindfulness and moderation. There’s a new concept, haha!!!! In fact, we both remarked to each other how much we are changing in that we no longer want to drink to excess, or eat unhealthy foods. I think we both have arrived at this place in our lives where we realize we cannot take our health for granted. We are both women in our 50’s and we have been incredibly fortunate up until this point. Neither one of us has had any major health challenges, and for that I am very grateful. So it was a good weekend….. albeit a quiet one. And now it is already Monday again – where did the weekend go? The older I get, the faster time seems to fly by! Day 17 and counting.