I don’t wanna get up!
10 Oct 2011 Leave a comment
It’s been a good week. I’m hanging in there! And it actually is getting easier, even though progress is still way slower than I would like for it to be. I mentioned to Betsy last week that I was frustrated with how long is seems to be taking to jumpstart my metabolism, and she reminded me that I am choosing to do this at a pace that works for me, and if I wanted to I could make different choices – for example, I could walk every day instead of every other day. Or I could eat fewer calories in a day (while I am typing this I just ate a chocolate brownie that I could have said no to). Or I could give up wine altogether. And she’s right. I’m just not there…….. yet. Maybe in time. In the meantime, I am realizing something else about myself which is …… I don’t like the process of moving from being asleep to being awake. All this time I have just thought that I wasn’t a morning person. Getting up at 5:00 am for these workouts has definitely been a struggle, but getting up at 7:00 am on a regular workday is also a struggle. I allowed myself to sleep in this weekend, and even though I slept until almost 9:00 am on Saturday morning (utter bliss!!!!), I still had a difficult time waking up. And I observed the same thing to be true on Sunday morning, when I woke up at 8:00 am. This was actually a great thing to realize about myself – because now I know that whether it is 5:00 am or 9:00 am, or any time in between, I am probably not going to open my eyes and jump out of bed ready to start the day. Because that’s not how I roll. I like to ease into the day…… waking up slowly, drinking my coffee while checking emails and Facebook, catching the local news on tv, etc. I think some of my resistance to exercising previously has been about not wanting to wake up earlier than usual and jump right into the day. What this insight gives me is the freedom to tell myself to just get up regardless of how I feel about it, and “just do it.” To acknowledge that it is not the exercise I am resisting, it is the waking up and starting my day more quickly than I like to. And it’s not a big deal. I can do this. Lots of people do this. I AM doing this. And every morning alarm brings me one workout closer to my goal!!! Day 38 and counting.
Mindfulness, moderation & hunger pains
19 Sep 2011 2 Comments
So not only am I exercising…… I am also changing the way that I eat. As I move into the third week of my transformative process, I am noticing today that I am feeling a little out of sorts and – unlike before – I can’t eat something to change the way I feel. I am actually having to sit with the discomfort of feeling uncomfortable and it is not easy! I can’t put my finger on why I feel this way – although there are a few things going on in my life that are adding to the stress. But nothing I can’t handle. I guess I will just have to wait it out, and have faith that – like so many things – this too shall pass. I don’t have a lot to write about today. I got up and went to the gym at 6 o’clock, so I feel good about that. It took a little longer than usual to get my heart rate up, which Adam says is a good thing, and shows I am getting stronger. Woo-hoo! Betsy and I did a pretty good job with our food this weekend, although the pot roast I made yesterday was definitely comfort food, and something I will only eat sparingly as I move forward. I was proud of myself for eating mostly carrots, a few potatoes, and a small portion of meat, though – instead of the other way around! It was a chilly, cloudy weekend – the first weekend that really felt like Fall. Betsy’s back was still bothering her on Saturday, plus she caught a cold due to her compromised immune system, so we spent the entire weekend at home. I can’t remember the last time we didn’t have at least one thing planned on the weekend. It was nice to just “nest.” I love our home, and I didn’t miss going out, but I did find myself craving carbs, “creamy, noodly things” (as a client of mine used to say) all weekend. I think we handled the food part of the weekend pretty well, all things considered. Friday night I made a low-fat, low-cal turkey chili which we ate for dinner on Friday and Saturday with low-fat sour cream and low-fat cheese. Delicioso! I had a couple of glasses of wine both Friday and Saturday night, but again I am not trying to eliminate anything from my life, I am just trying to practice mindfulness and moderation. There’s a new concept, haha!!!! In fact, we both remarked to each other how much we are changing in that we no longer want to drink to excess, or eat unhealthy foods. I think we both have arrived at this place in our lives where we realize we cannot take our health for granted. We are both women in our 50’s and we have been incredibly fortunate up until this point. Neither one of us has had any major health challenges, and for that I am very grateful. So it was a good weekend….. albeit a quiet one. And now it is already Monday again – where did the weekend go? The older I get, the faster time seems to fly by! Day 17 and counting.
Growing Pains
16 Sep 2011 4 Comments
in Weight loss Tags: changing, exercise, gratitude, laziness, weight loss
To be honest with you, it’s been a tough couple of days. Betsy pulled a muscle in her back earlier in the week, causing her to be in excruciating pain and unable to even get out of bed by yesterday morning. Because she was in so much pain, I got to “be Betsy” for a couple of days. It was exhausting. I realized this week just how much she does, and how little I do, around the house. I am not proud! You see, she makes it so easy for me to just coast when it comes to all the little things that go into running a household. She changes the litter boxes and feeds the cats. She washes and puts away the dishes. She takes out the trash and recyclables. She sweeps the pet hair off the hardwood floors. She pays the bills. She feeds, waters and walks the dogs. She does all the laundry. She has brought me coffee in bed nearly every morning since we first moved in together in November, 2003 (the only times she has missed is if she has been out of town, or if she has been sick. And I can probably count on one hand the number of days she has been sick!). She packs me a lunch every day. She cooks dinner most nights (and cleans up as she goes along). She takes care of the yard. She fills the bird and hummingbird feeders. Oh, and in her spare time she runs a business and manages to exercise pretty much every day. And what do I do? I let her do it all because it is easier, and because I am lazy, and truthfully because I am carrying around 90 pounds of extra weight which slows everything I do down to a slow crawl at best. So while I am sorry her back went out on her this week, I am really glad for the wake-up call it gave me. Again, it goes back to being a spectator versus being a participant in my own life. I am beginning to realize how much I have been missing, and it is a painful realization. I am changing, though. A day at a time I am changing. And even last night, when every fiber of my being said “you’ve been working hard today, it’s okay if you don’t walk tonight,” you know what I did? I laced up my shoes and I walked. And I felt better for it. Not just physically, but mentally as well. Just knowing that I did something that was taking me a step closer to good health versus a step farther away from health gave me a feeling of accomplishment that I wouldn’t have had if I had just sat in my recliner and turned on the television set (which I was able to do, after I walked). It’s only been two weeks, but I can feel the changes already. My body feels stronger and has more energy, I feel more mentally alert, I feel better about myself in general. And today I am grateful for my partner – my Betsy – who is such a great role model, and who has been so patient with me as I have struggled to find my own way to exercise and good health. Day 16 and counting.,